Beautiful Baby Elephant
by Christopher Patterson
Peal reminds me of sitting at a college coffeeshop in which the manager has just chosen the music. He chooses Peal, the safest, least distracting type of band that will in no way turn heads or lead anyone away from studying for their final exam. It has melody that’s actually kinda nice and enjoyable in the moment, but if you ever took it home you’d find yourself frantically grabbing for the nearest toothpick to stab at your own eardrums. This is because with Peal, their callous ignorance for time signature, rhythm and innovation are replaced by a tedious disinterest, brought on by the fact that every song absolves in their appeal to suburban cheesiness. Though they boast “sugar-sweet melodies” and “uplifting choruses,” they’re really just seeking the undeserved glory of bands like Train, Vertical Horizon and Nine Days.
Their album, Beautiful Baby Elephant, is a jubilant romp through their self-induced mediocrity. Nearly every song begins with a slow acoustic riff (or theme) that pretty much doesn’t change, and every song contains a short electric guitar solo between the second and third versus. Oh yeah, and every song is “a story of a girl.”
Beautiful Baby Elephant is so hollow and uninteresting that even writing about it is a bore. Therefore, I will now offer some tips for the emerging acoustic-pop band. First of all, what’s an acoustic-pop band without a piano! To not use one is like never changing the drive in your guitar solos (which Peal also doesn’t do)! To really stick it out in this musical panorama of multicultural stamina, you have to get with the times and add in some hip Latin beats! It doesn’t matter if you know nothing of the culture, but add in a maraca or hand drum and you’ll be set to arrive in multi-platinum heaven!
I think my CD player just committed suicide to spare my precious eardrums.